Elders / Students / First Responders

• Customers over 65 and students with ID will not receive a discount, but I’ll prioritize your orders because the elderly are running out of time, and I would feel bad about an art student missing a homework deadline.
• Uniformed military (active duty and retired) and first responders (Police, Fire, EMS) will receive a respectful “thank you for your service” and a shallow Asian-style greeting bow, but still no discount. I’ll still prioritize your orders, since I enjoy not burning to death and not being robbed.

Tech “people” (they consider themselves people, apparently)

I love technology, because it amplifies man’s capabilities and expands his potential. Unfortunately, most of you fake nerds in “tech” only seem to produce garbage (both physical and virtual) that functions in the exact opposite way.

Either it’s some combination of “wiretap” and “dog shock collar” with varying amounts of gambling, subscriptions, and the destruction of entry level work thrown in. The big goal seems to be a suite of gadgets and software that degrades and enslaves the masses, and allows the owning class to cull the herd without losing out on the material comforts of industrial civilization. If you claim otherwise, you are a fool or a liar. In either case, I despise you. Not just for your retarded and shortsighted greed, but for the for the three willful delusions you carry:

1. That you will be spared by your masters in exchange for having welded in a few bars in the digital planetary prison,

2. the pathetic excuse that “someone else” would do this if you hadn’t, and

3. for genuinely believing you are intelligent. You’re not. You’re a dweeb with no soul or goals. A trained chimp with no sparkle in the eyes, just clever enough to pull the right lever at the right time, without reflection. A processed cheese slice of a human being who sold your soul in what amounts to peak buyer’s market. Dumbass.

You are fool who would just as well have castrated yourself and your sons for a handful of dollars. If you would treat yourself and your progeny like that, real or potential, why should anyone in the world want anything to do with retarded poison like you?

For these reasons, I impose the following mandatory discounts upon the aforementioned subhumans:

• Employees of Facebook/Meta, Google, Apple, Amazon, Microsoft, and Oracle will be double charged(2x) not even really for the damage your products inflict on society, but mostly because your shit is janky and doesn’t even cut it for work or leisure.
• Anyone involved in gambling (predictive markets) will pay 3x.
• Anyone in defense contracting, AI-anything or robotics of any fucking sort will pay 4x.
• All Palantir and OpenAI employees specifically must pay 5x listed prices.
• Evasion of fees or a failure to declare affiliation with aforementioned organizations will result in a lifetime ban.

Everyone on the list above should be dangling lifeless from a streetlamp, and the world would immediately and noticeably be a happier place. If you think the discounts are too steep, that’s the point. I would prefer that you fuck off someplace else with your dirty money, or quit your well-poisoning job for something that actually adds value to your community.

I’d tell you I hope you outlive all your children, but you wouldn’t even understand that to be an insult.

Actual real fraudsters (criminal)

• If you are scamming venture capital with a Theranos-style fraud operation, that’s genuinely hilarious and you can take your choice of $5 or 15% off your entire order, every order.
• If you end up on TV testifying before congress, you get free processing for life. (Limit 5x rolls per month)